Creating Separation ft. Marques Colston (Former N.O. Saint and Super Bowl Champion)

[Rich]

That's right. You are listening to the mystical wealth show. And me, I'm your host. My name is Rich Jones. Yo. It is literally a new season, not a podcast. When I say literal new season, I'm talking about its autumn. I never really say autumn. I always say fall. And I want to start off by encouraging you, please don't fall off this fall. You don't have to fall off this fall. You don't got to put away your good habits with your summer clothes.

You've got time to plan for Thanksgiving, colder weather, travel, and cuffing season. Doesn't have to be calorie season. I'm telling you, we are not bears. So what's one thing you can do this fall to protect the progress you made over the summer or the progress you've made this year?

And if you feel good about that, what's one thing you can do this fall? To establish a new habit.

One more thing before getting into today's episode -coaching.

So I'm taking a small number of one on one wellness coaching clients. So people come to me to break cycles, to make lifestyle changes, to finally start taking care of themselves, to get back into who they used to be, to achieve meaningful goals, and so much more. And by working with me, you'll get the accountability you've needed, the confidence you've wanted, guidance on your journey, and judgment-free space to talk through it all.

Now, I'm not a mental health professional, but mental health is part of wellness. And so if anything is outside the scope of my practice, I'm happy to refer you to the appropriate person or resources so you can do that additional research and make the best decision for you. So if you want to learn more about my one-on-one coaching, you can visit tmws.co/coaching. tmws the mental health show. tmws.co/coaching.

As for today's episode, I've got a very special guest and Mental Wealth Show first. I'm talking to a 2009 Super Bowl champion and man that's caught many a touchdown from Drew Brees. He's in both the Louisiana sports and New Orleans Saints halls of fame.

Today's guest is Marques Colston, and we talk a little bit about football, but this episode is about creating space, or as you'll hear him say, creating separation. And you don't need to understand sports to understand the importance of mindset. And that's really what we're talking about today.

So if you're in a new season or you're navigating a transition, this episode is for you, and I hope you enjoy. Yo, Marques, welcome to the podcast.

[Marques]

I appreciate you having me, man. Looking forward to this one.

[Rich]

I've been looking forward to this as well. I've spoken with a CFL League player before. Now speaking to a former NFL player. Not just a NFL player, a Super Bowl champion. Like, let's be clear about that. Not just a player, a Super Bowl champion. And we're here to talk about performance. We're here to talk about mindset. We're here to talk about a lot of the other things that matter in life that sometimes we don't think about as much. And the first question I like to start folks with is, what does mental wealth mean to you?

[Marques]

Man, mental health is everything. It's the foundation, you know, it's the thing that as things are going well, it's the thing that allows you to enjoy them in the moment as things are not going as well as you want them to. It's the thing that allows you to persevere and be resilient through it. So to me, mental health is really that foundation that allows you to be who you need to be, where you need to be in the moment that you need to be.

[Rich]

I love that. Now, for me, I think about it as also consisting of the practices and the habits that you build as well. And when we talk about performance and particularly someone like yourself who has played at a high level, what habits or practices have you found most helpful to get yourself in the right mindset, to live authentically, and to do the work that you want to do?

[Marques]

Yeah, I think for me, it's kind of evolved over time. When I was playing, a lot of my preparation started as a young player around just the more physical preparation. As you get older, as your physical traits and abilities start to leave you, you start to lean more and more on the mental aspects of the game. And I think just being able to go through that has really positioned me in this next chapter of my life to really lead with that mental preparation and just really be able to establish habits and establish parts of my daily routine that really allowed me to kind of set the day and get a line before I start those mental habits. And, you know, that daily routine is kind of allows me to use each morning as a launch pad to get what I need to get accomplished in that day.

[Rich]

Is your daily routine as strict as you follow the same sequence of things every morning?

[Marques]

No, man. So what I've done at this point is I kind of have this framework, right, because I've married, I have two kids, I got to make sure they get up, get moving, get breakfast, and get out the door. So what I do is I just try to make sure that I work out four days a week, and I kind of give myself a six day window to get four workouts in, right. So I know what I want to get accomplished, but I kind of bake in a little bit of flexibility to make sure that I can still be in the moment and life doesn't get in the way. To me, that flexibility is important just because it kind of baits in the ability to give yourself grace when things pop up and just really be flexible as things move.

[Rich]

That idea of giving yourself grace is so important because for many years and in still some ways now, I do the perfectionist thing. And I've had these situations where you start beating yourself up, like, oh, I said I was going to go to the gym today and I didn't. Or, you eating healthy and you make one mistake, you have one meal, and you're like, I messed up effort. I might as well throw the whole diet out the window, where it's actually about the habits and it's actually about what you do over time, not just that one particular day.

[Marques]

I couldn't have said it any better, man. It gets you in this place where you're constantly trying to restart one bad dance. Like, I scrap this week, I'll start again next week, and three, four weeks later, you still haven't done it consistently. And I think that's just a function of growth and realizing that the end goals have to encompass everything that you have to go through to get to the end goals. Right? So, yeah, I mean, just being able to be flexible because none of us really know what that day has to offer. We can plan all we want, but there's an element of letting go of control. And in order to let go of control, you got to be able to find those controls and find those ways to kind of bake in flexibility.

[Rich]

Now, when did you realize you had to let go of control? Because that's not easy for a lot of us.

[Marques]

You know what? I think a lot of it's a function of the position I play. When I play football, I always talk about playing wide receiver. While it's one of the most visible positions on the field, there's a lot of perceptions that come along with that. But really, it's the most dependent position on the field that you can play. I can go out and run a route, get open, and do everything that I'm supposed to do. But if the lineman doesn't pick up a blitz, the quarterback doesn't make the right read, the other complimentary routes don't do what they're supposed to do, it makes no difference. I still can't produce.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

So I think just playing that position and that combination of making sure that I handle what everything that I can handle, but also knowing that I'm kind of at the mercy of everyone else doing their job, you know, kind of planted that seed, and I've just tried to take that and evolve it into other areas of my life.

[Rich]

Now, let's talk a moment about transitions. Something you said maybe triggered this. I don't know what it was but there's the transition from high school to college, then college to the NFL, and now the transition where you go from professional sports to this chapter. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about the transition from college to the NFL and how you had to think about the way that you stepped your game up. Because I'm a spectator, like millions of us, and I see it's like, oh, it's so much harder, it's so much faster. But I know there's a lot more to it than that.

[Marques]

Yeah, that transition is one that is a true transition. You have to get acclimated to the new environment.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

I think we all right, wrong and different. We all kind of mold into the environment that we're in. And in college, there's a lot of things that you can do to kind of get by on athleticism and just sheer athletic ability that just doesn't fly at the next level. And I think that was the biggest transition. It's more mental than anything. I think physically, you're not there if you don't have the physical ability to play. The biggest transition is that mental aspect of saying, all right, I'm no longer just head and shoulders above everyone athletically. We're all on this equal playing field. And my competitive advantage is the way that I prepare. My competitive advantage is my ability to make quick decisions. At high probabilities, the competitive advantage shifts, and the quicker that you realize that all of your preparation and all of the way that you can put yourself in position to make the plays when they present themselves, the faster you realize that, the easier the transition becomes. Because there is no more just leaning on I'm six 4225 and I run a 45, everybody.

[Rich]

It's still wild for me to hear that because even at the D One level, top D one, these are still very elite athletes who in any other context, they would be the best of the best. So I'm always like, how much different can it be? But when you talk about that mental aspect, there's stuff that you just don't know unless you've had the experience. And you don't get the experience without time. Right?

[Marques]

Absolutely. And I think a lot of what you see with the veteran and the seasoned players is they have enough experience, they have enough reps, they've seen every iteration of what can happen.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

So they get themselves to a place where similar to, like, building a habit. If you intentionally work on a habit long enough, it starts to automate. Right. And I think a lot of the veterans, they kind of get themselves mentally to that place, to where I don't have to think about every single thing as it's happening around me. Like, I see this thing and it triggers, all right, I know that the defense is going to look to take this away. So I think more than anything else, what it allows you to do is get to the right options and the right decisions. And it takes a lot of the thinking and a lot of the thought process out of it. And you can just react. And I think as a young player, you just don't have enough repetition to know what you don't know. And with more reps, it allows you to do the same thing. You start to trim the fat on decisions and really that's the best players are the ones that are able to react in the moment, make the right decisions at a high probability, and from there, the athleticism takes over. And I think that's the mental part of the game that a lot of people don't understand is like everything that happens preplay, presnap every decision that's made in the moment. That's really the competitive edge, man.

[Rich]

That's the mental part of the game of life, what you just described. Because football happens to be the context we're talking about right now. But it is no different than corporate America. Probably some of your boys, some of the things that they're talking about, same type of stuff, you got to get reps and some things become second nature to where you don't have to think about it. But everyone started at that same spot. And sometimes it can appear that someone is so much further ahead and they have it all together. But we all started there and we all had to take that time. And there's no shortcut around doing the work.

[Marques]

There is no shortcut. And if there is, it's not going to lead you to the place you want to go. And I think what you just hit on that realization is what really has kind of put me in position to transition from the game in a way that I can take a lot of the lived experiences that look different on the surface. But I think fundamentally, the decision making processes, the preparation, everything that you just talked about, it's just finding a way to kind of reskin those experiences into whatever the next chapter is. And there's been a lot of chapters.

[Rich]

Yeah, I was looking at Wikipedia. It's so cool. I get to go to select this person's got a Wikipedia. It's like a detailed wiki page. Not the Wiki page that just their PR person got made for them with two lines. This is like a detailed page. And even your LinkedIn too. And I'm thinking, yeah, you've been an NFL player, but you've always had your hands in other stuff, ownership. So the entrepreneurial, it seems like that entrepreneurial gene has always been there, is that true?

[Marques]

Yeah, it's always kind of been deep rooted. And I think about it like this coming from Hofstra, I was exactly what a startup is, right? It's this thing that doesn't really have a high probability of success, but with the right preparation, the right opportunities, and just being able to capitalize, you can just kind of keep putting yourself in position. So I've kind of always thought about my journey through an entrepreneurial lens and that journey post football has just kind of carried that on. And I think the journey going through kind of the road less travel has kind of prepared me to step into some of these situations where I'm probably going to be the only person in the room that looks like me, more than likely going to be the only person in the room that has my experience. And when you're in those silos and kind of in those rooms where you just don't feel a lot of familiarity, you got to lean on what's inside to kind of get you through. And you trust yourself, you trust your process, you trust your vision, and at some point you hope it takes you in the right direction.

[Rich]

Now we're talking a little bit about the transition from college to pros. Now let's talk about and you're starting to get into this the transition from pros to this world where a lot of that other mental stuff is coming in in a different context. Also the idea of going into rooms and being the only one again. And I guess because you didn't have this experience, possibly, but I'm thinking about when you've been an athlete, you're notable, people know your name. People would assume that that would then make things easier at the next step. And easier being a subjective word. Has it actually been easier?

[Marques]

Do you think that's a complex? Yes. So there's parts of that that make it easier. It's clearly easier to open doors and make connections at a high level. So the access is there. The challenge becomes the perception and the perceived value.

[Rich]

Right?

[Marques]

So when you're leaving a world where most people see you from a purely entertainment standpoint, right, they turned on the TV on Sunday, they drafted you in fantasy football. At that point you're there for their entertainment. That's where it becomes complicated because you have access. But who are you coming in the door as? Are you coming in as the business person? Are you coming in as the individual, the human being? Are you coming in as the professional football player? And that's where it gets a little more interesting because I've been in a lot of different rooms over the years to where I'm walking in with one vision and one objective in mind. And I'm received in a way that people just want to talk about fantasy football and they want to talk about all of the things from an entertainment standpoint. And it gets you to this place where you have to start thinking about can I change minds, can I change perceptions? How much work is it going to take to change those perceptions? And is the result of that work? Is it going to be worth it? Right. That's where it gets a little bit more complex. Trying to navigate those three different areas.

[Rich]

Of your life, how do you determine if it's worth it? I know that could be a really broad question, but how do you determine if it's worth it for you?

[Marques]

You know, there is no hard fast rule. I think it kind of gets back to reps.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

You get into enough of these situations and you start to see clues. And over the years, I've kind of seen some patterns form, and I think at this point in the journey, there are certain triggers. Right? There are certain triggers, and you try to give everybody grace. But at some point, the second reference to fantasy football in a business meeting, it's like, all right, yeah, this is going over fast.

[Rich]

Yeah. Okay. Got you. I appreciate you giving that example. Now, creating separation, I love that you have this concept because something else just occurred to me as I was thinking about it. I know we're going to talk about what that is. I was thinking about creating separation on the field as a wide receiver, creating separation from I'm sure that's probably part of it, but then also creating separation, even to give yourself space to think and process, is something else that came to mind. But talk about this concept of creating separation as you've created it.

[Marques]

Yeah, man. It's one of those double Alexandra's.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

So my job as a wide receiver, it was literally my job is to create separation, and that means create enough distance between you and the defender so that you can make a play. And if you watch the game, you follow the game, you start to look at everybody kind of does it in a different way. The end result can be the same. But me, as a bigger receiver, I might not get as much physical distance between me and the defender, but I've got long arms and I can jump, so I'm still open even if I'm not open.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

The smaller receivers, they're going to use more athleticism, more agility, and they're going to create maybe more opportunity, more space between them and a defender. But ultimately it's how can you leverage what's unique about you? How can you take your strengths, amplify those, your weaknesses, kind of minimize those, to put yourself in a position to make plays?

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

And that's what I did for ten years at the highest level. And again. In that transition off the field and into the boardroom. Into wherever it was going to be. Again. Just kind of running up against this baked in persona that people thought that I should be. It automatically kind of came to mind that I need to figure out a way to create separation. Not just from that persona. And figure out a way to establish my value in a different way that really aligns with who I am and what I want to do and really where I want to go. But also, as a business person, you got to be able to create separation and differentiate your business model or differentiate your services and products. So to me, this concept of creating separation is one that's germane to me just from my background and my experience. But I think it's really something that's universal in that we all have these unique abilities, these unique traits might be unique opportunities. And the goal is always to take what's unique about us and really lead with that in a way that creates an advantage, a competitive advantage that allows you to go out and win and whatever it is that you're doing.

[Rich]

I love that. And you made me think of and people who have listened to the podcast, I've heard many people talk about this ad nauseam, but I had taken a mental health leave from my day job last year. And at the point that I had taken that leave, I was having panic attacks. And I'd just been in this cycle of constantly looking for something new and still not being happy. And it wasn't until I took that leave that when I learned about the complex PTSD and was able to start that healing journey and I realized that it had nothing to do with my job. I was thinking about leaving my day job altogether. I'm like, it had nothing to do with that. It was like, this work I need to do on myself. That then opened the door for me to say, you know what, here's actually what I need to be doing. For me, when I hear creating space, I just think about, again, all the applications, but also how doing that cannot just position you to put distance from a past persona or the way that you were before, but it can open doors.

[Marques]

No, I think you're spot on. The biggest piece of what it means to create separation is really being honest and candid with yourself first, right. You got to understand which version of you is showing up today. And I think part of it is figuring out, if today's version of me is not the optimal version, then what can I do to kind of get myself to that optimal place, first and foremost? But then even how can I continue to progress even in a suboptimal position, right? So I think it's really this dynamic thought process and this dynamic methodology that really it has to start with you and it has to start with your uniqueness. And really your uniqueness is it can be your talents, it can be your traits, but a lot of times it's going to be in that moment, realizing who you are, who you need to be, how do you bridge that gap and figuring out what are the different strategies and tools that can help me bridge that gap?

[Rich]

Now, I'm going to give you a classic scenario, and this scenario may or may not have been me, but let's say brother, 38, 39 years old, in a good spot in his career as far as the world around him. Everyone thinks he's doing well, successful as a family, and I guess that's not me yet. And to them, to this person, they don't feel they're like, man, I thought I would be so much further ahead than I am right now. I'm not living the life that I want. And I think a lot of us, as we're getting closer to 40, we are having that realization. So if someone is in that spot, where do you advise that they start?

[Marques]

I would definitely start I always like to start with the end in mind.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

And if you are kind of traveling the path that you don't think is leading you where you want to go, I think the first step is to really establish with as much clarity as possible, like, what is that destination? You know, because it's really difficult, especially in the noise that we live in. There's always a new distraction, there's always a new task that needs to be there's always a new crisis, a new priority that kind of rules the day. So to me, being able to establish that North Star and really kind of have that be the thing that the path there might not be direct. You might have to take a bunch of detours. You might be operating like in the ways that right. You might get rerouted a couple of times, but no, I mean, I think the clear you can see that destination, the better. You can map the path there. But traveling to kind of this pseudo unknown place, if you get there, you might not even know you're there.

[Rich]

I love that also that you said basically life is not linear. And I think a lot of us who do the more traditional career routes like, I'm going to be this and I'm going to be this, and I'm going to be this, and it's like, no, you may think you want it to be that. Like, there are so many people who have said, oh, this thing, that would be my dream job. And they get that job and they're like, this is a nightmare. That's not a dream at all. And that's part of the journey is that you're going to try different things. I think it's applicable in sports. As you age, there are things that evolve about your game. I'm thinking for selfie, I'm not as fast or as strong as I was at 21, so I got to rely on core strength and I got to rely on flexibility and things that I didn't have as much of when I was younger because now those things are more important. So it's a constantly evolving game.

[Marques]

No, I think you raised a really good point. We see the end game, especially when we're younger. We kind of see what the lifestyle is that we want to leave and we see it on the surface, but we don't see everything that's kind of bubbling under the surface. We don't see the journey that it might have taken to get there. You might see the job that you want, you might see the salary, the lifestyle it can provide, but you might not see the mental stress that comes along with it, the uncertainty. So I think that there's always things that are brewing under the hood that we just don't have access to. We don't have those experiences. And I think trying to imagine that North Star and trying to visualize that North Star, I try to work through like five different lenses because that's really what life is. Life is you kind of operating on a spiritual plane, right, which everyone has kind of their core values, everyone has their beliefs. And the more that you can lead with those things, the more aligned your life is going to be. We're all operating from the personal development lens, which is how do we improve ourselves, whether it's health and wellness, whether it's education or whatever it might be, to continue improving, put ourselves in a position to be the best version of ourselves. There's the professional lens, which if you have a job aspiration you've got to kind of continually train and learn the knowledge base and all of those things that get you there. There's the social aspects which you need, the relationships that at some point you want to mentor others, you need others to mentor you. You need that accountability and that peer group. And then the last one, the financial is kind of the combination of all those things. We're all seeking financial steadiness and stability, right? And I think the more that we can kind of visualize that North Star through those five lenses, we're not going to be able to get everything covered, we're not going to be able to get all the hidden challenges spoken for. But if we can kind of view it through those five lenses, we at least have a much better feel for how we want to kind of engage in that life that we're creating for ourselves.

[Rich]

Yes. Man I love the idea of I call them emotional goals, where it's goals, when you think about achieving them, you actually feel something. For example, winning a Super Bowl, that would be dope. And of course, it doesn't have to be that grandiose, but I find so often we operate from like a North Star that isn't actually ours. It's based off of what other people think and what we believe we should be versus actually taking that time to be like, what do I want? Do I want to have a million dollars or am I cool with $500,000? Am I setting arbitrary goals just to say that I'm setting goals? Or is this something that I actually feel some conviction to move toward?

[Marques]

Man it's spot on and it's funny you bring the Super Bowl up just because that's the goal of every player, right? But what you don't. Realize is that you get to that goal, you get to that mountain top, and it is like joy that you have never experienced for about a day, and then you realize that I got to go try to climb this mountain again. Right. So it's like this crazy mix of joy and relief, but then it's like, hey, I got to reset and I got to try to do this again because now I'm like the hunted. So even in experiencing that, that's not something that you would ever think about because you're just so focused on all of the good things that it brings.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

But again, there's always something brewing under the surface that you can't really account for, and the more clarity you have around who you want to be throughout every area of your life, the more resilient you are going to be able to be to face those challenges.

[Rich]

Yes. Now, irrational confidence, another idea on your platform. So keep talking on your platform like you're a politician. Can you talk about that a bit?

[Marques]

Yeah. It's kind of an oxymoron, right. So irrational confidence, it is really the mindset that is kind of fueled my journey.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

So to go from what I jokingly call a no Star recruit, to go to Hopshire, put up some pretty good numbers at Hopster and get drafted in the 7th round, you have to understand the odds of the game that you play. So I knew as a 7th round pick, statistically, there was a 1% chance that I would even make a roster, right. So the irrational confidence in me was like. All right. I kind of feel bad for the other 98% because if you don't believe in the goals that you've set. Right. And you can't position the goals that you've set and really position yourself to go achieve those goals. That's really what a rational confidence is about. Because we kind of talked around this point. But the world is going to set these limitations and these perceptions of what you can achieve. And they're going to be based on a bunch of different factors. So me stepping into that situation as a 7th round pick, the world kind of put value around what it means to be a 7th round pick, but the world doesn't know me, and they can't put value around what I plan to bring to the table to make my goals and my dream become a reality. So you can't really account for that, right. So that irrational confidence becomes the X factor that allows you to put yourself in position to achieve beyond limitation and beyond perceptions. And, you know, I think each one of us that has achieved the goal that was outside the box or has done something that has been unexpected, I think that there's kind of this deep rooted confidence, and it's irrational confidence that says, all right, I see the odds. I understand the odds, I respect the odds, but I believe in me more.

[Rich]

Yeah. Now, when I first heard rational confidence, that's not what I thought it was. I thought it was more of the opposite. You're being confident about something you got no business being confident about. But then also someone may think about like, you got this confidence and how do you balance that against humility?

[Marques]

Yeah, I think humility is baked into it, right. Because first you really have to accept the first step is really accepting what the odds are because they're there for a reason. Now, it doesn't mean that you have to abide by those odds and those rules, but you got to understand and I think the humility comes into understanding that you are in a position where you may have to go above and beyond. You may have to find different ways to create value. Your path might not be linear, right. It might not be the same as everyone else has made it in this journey. So I think the humility is baked into this understanding that one and this is kind of a sidebar, I think humility, sometimes it gets weaponized against us, right. When they feel like you're getting a little too big for your bridges, they tell you to be humble in a way to make you small. But ultimately, to me, humility is about walking into any situation and understanding that there's a potential learning experience there. And I think from that standpoint, the humility is baked into the rational confidence because you're constantly seeking opportunities to learn and position yourself better so that you can go ahead and achieve your goal even against what the rational folks tell you as possible.

[Rich]

Man, I love this and I'm going to start using this at work. I mean, I'll give you credit for it. It's like, well, this has a 2% chance of happening, but I'm like, nah, I'm 98% confident it's going to work, so I'm going to start using that. Marques, it's been awesome to have this conversation with you and I'm so glad to see that you're out here sharing this message. I know you're speaking. I know that you have hands and feelers and organizations and ownership and different pieces. What do you want folks to know about most that you have going on today?

[Marques]

Yeah, well, first I appreciate this conversation. It's not too often you get to have real conversations like this, so I appreciate the platform, but yeah, I recently just launched a media platform and I'm calling the Separation Playbook, which takes a lot of the kind of the concepts and the methodology and it distills it down into consumable format.

[Rich]

Right.

[Marques]

So there's online courses. We're going to be rolling out workshops and trainings live in virtual. There's going to be some digital tools and strategies there. So anyone that is looking to create separation in their career path and in their life, we're hopefully building out a destination that you can come and get some actionable tools and strategies to get you on your way.

[Rich]

And this is also where you can come to build that irrational confidence, right?

[Marques]

Absolutely.

[Rich]

Marques, thanks so much.

[Marques]

I appreciate you, man.

[Rich]

Thanks again to Marques for coming on the podcast. I love getting to have this type of conversation with other black men, especially because I didn't get to have these types of conversations for so many years. And again, if you're interested in coaching, you're thinking about working with someone because everything else you've tried hasn't worked so far. You feel like you could thrive with a bit of accountability, having a space where you can sit, talk, work through, stuff your way, visit tmws coaching. And until next time, do do something. Dope.